Document (#29315)

Author

Hillenbrand, T.

Title

Googles Zehn Gebote

Source

http://www.spiegel.de/netzwelt/technologie/0,1518,380214,00.html

Year

2005

Series

Apparatschik

Abstract

Angeblich ist Googeln ganz einfach: Begriff eintippen, Return-Taste drücken, Ergebnis einsammeln. Häufig landet man stattdessen in der Suchmaschinen-Hölle. Doch die Erlösung ist nah - wer die Gebote der Internet-Götter befolgt, dem steht das Paradies offen.

Content

"Und Mo der User irrte einsam durch die kalte Betonwüste und er wusste nicht wo Norden noch Süden war. "Weh mir", rief er, "ausgezogen war ich, den Tempel des Heiligen Saturn zu finden, auf dass mir seine Hohepriester einige jener kleinen Silberscheiben verkauften, zu wohlfeilen Preisen. Doch nun bin ich ganz verloren und weiß nicht, wohin ich meine Schritte lenken soll." Es begab sich aber, dass Mo an einer Taverne vorbeikam. "Preiset den Herrn", rief er aus, "diese bescheidene Tränke vermag mir nicht nur ein wohlschmeckend Heißgebräu mit Vanillearoma zu bereiten. Vermittels ihrer vermag ich auch die Götter des Internet um Rat anzuflehen." Und so öffnete er sein Ränzel, entnahm sein gesegnetes iBuch von Antiochia und klinkte sich in den Hotspot des Kaffeehökers ein. Alsdann betete Mo zu Google. Und er rief: "O allwissender Google. Ich suche den Tempel des edlen Saturn oder des erhabenen Conrad, auf dass ich einige Silberlinge zur Archivierung meiner Schriften erwerben könnte." Und so tippte Mo die Wörter "DVD Berlin" in sein magisches Büchlein. Und als er die Return-Taste betätigte, da vernahm er in der Ferne ein Donnergrollen und der Himmel verfinsterte sich. Und ein Blitz zuckte vom Himmel und fuhr in Mos treues iBuch und der Akku fing Feuer. Und es war viel Wehklagen und Geschrei in der Taverne. Diese Zeichen des Herrn trieben die Furcht in Mos Herz und er fiel vor dem brennenden Zauberbüchlein auf die Knie. Und plötzlich wurde er in den lodernden Flammen des mächtigen Google Antlitz' gewahr. Und jener sprach: "Mo, du Idiot! Du willst der Prophet der Suchmaschinen sein, aber du weißt ja nicht mal, wie man eine vernünftige Abfrage formuliert!" Mo warf sich zu Boden: "Allmächtiger, ich - ...". "Klappe, Mo!", zischte das iBuch. "Täglich wollen die Adepten Antworten von mir, doch kaum einer ist in der Lage, seine Fragen richtig zu stellen. Das nervt höllisch. Empfange nunmehr meine zehn Gebote der Internet-Suche. Und künde den anderen Usern davon immerdar." Und er sprach: Und Mo hob die Hände zum Himmel und rief: "Hosianna! Lob und Ehre sei Dir, O mächtiger und preisenswerter Gott der Suche. Umgehend will ich Deine Gebote meißeln in feinsten Marmor, auf dass ein jeder sie schaue!" Und ein weiteres grollendes Seufzen erschütterte die Taverne. "Marmor? Du hast es wahrlich nicht mit Löffeln gefressen, Mo. Poste es irgendwo im Netz, das geht viel schneller." Und so geschah es."

Footnote

Die 10 Google-Gebote: Du sollst ... 1. ... nie weniger als drei Begriffe eingeben 2. ... Artikel und Hilfsverben ächten 3. ... Nomen bevorzugen 4. ... "Phrasen in Anführungszeichen" setzen 5. ... Wörter gebrauchen, die du in deinen Ergebnissen zu finden erwartest 6. ... die Syntax des Heiligen Boole in Ehren halten 7. ... alles andere klein schreiben 8. ... auch die ehrwürdigen Verzeichnisse befragen 9. ... andere Suchmaschinen haben neben mir 10. ... auch der Auskunft und dem Telefon huldigen

Theme

Suchmaschinen

Object

Google

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